Closet Confessionals Vol. VII: The Military Lawyer Who Has Yet to Pull the Trigger on an Hermès Push Present

Plus, she reveals her favorite shopping experience from all the places she’s lived around the globe

Anonymous

37 Comments

Sep 6, 2018

One of the pleasures of the Closet Confessionals series is seeing how differently readers approach bags, style, and spending. There is not a lot of fun on the internet lately, and at least to me, that’s fun.

With that in mind, we have this week’s edition of Closet Confessionals, which focuses on the bag-buying habits of a military lawyer who’s lived all around the world. The people who share their wardrobes with us come from a wide range of professions and places, and that variety is part of what makes the series feel so engaging. We’re sure you’ll have plenty of feedback.

It also touches on the complicated idea of a luxury push present, which makes for a conversation that is as revealing as it is opinionated. ) submissions, so if you’d like to be considered for your own Closet Confessional, all you have to do is click the link below and fill out our survey—the more detail you give us, the better!

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The Basics

Age: 39Gender Identity: FemaleLocation: South KoreaOccupation: LawyerIndustry: Active Duty MilitaryIncome: $275,000

The Bags

As always, the goal is not just to catalogue handbags, but to understand how and why they matter.

How many bags do you own? 13

How much is your collection worth? Approximately $31,000

If you would like to be considered for a future Closet Confessional, you can submit your own anonymous responses through the series questionnaire. My Louis Vuitton City Steamer MM. The more detail you share, the better the portrait. It’s a beautiful neutral, and I love the lock feature.

What are the most important brands or pieces in your collection? Age: 39
Gender Identity: Female
Location: South Korea
Occupation: Lawyer
Industry: Active Duty Military
Income: $275,000 It’s the bag that started my obsession with designer handbags and still looks so current, even 40+ years later. Before she had me, my mother was a buyer of fine leather good for Bonwitt Teller, a now defunct luxury department store in New York City. How many bags do you own?

What age did you get your first designer bag, and what was it? I am not sure that Kate Spade qualifies as a designer handbag line, but in the 90s I got a black nylon messenger bag from her line. How much is your collection worth? I loved it so much and carried it everywhere—I had to buy a replacement after a few years. What is your most expensive bag?

Any particular bag that holds a special sentimental value? When we were stationed in England, one of my absolute favorite places on Earth, I would shop the Harrod’s Boxing Day sale each year after Christmas. My Louis Vuitton City Steamer MM. You would wait in line for hours keeping warm with coffee prior to opening. When they opened the doors, I would run to the designer handbag section. I love it as a practical neutral, and the lock detail makes it feel especially polished. One year, I got an absolutely gorgeous and supple Valentino handbag with a bow on the front in a muted pink that I still love.

Do you feel like your bags change people’s perceptions of you or how you’re treated? What are the most important brands or pieces in your collection? In Korea there is a huge market for what can be described as “quality fakes. The navy logo Gucci clutch from the late 70s that I inherited from my mother. Since I work in a male-dominated career field in a place know for fake handbags, I am always asked where in the local area can my co-workers find fake handbags for their spouses. I try to be nice about it, but I explain that I don’t know because I don’t carry fake. It was the piece that first made me fall in love with designer handbags, and it still looks completely current.

The Shopping

How often do you buy new bags? 1-3 per year. I try to only buy bags I am very excited about.

My mother worked as a buyer of fine leather goods for Bonwit Teller in New York, so I grew up looking at beautiful bags in her closet, including that Gucci and two original Judith Leiber pieces. I rarely buy handbags from the designers in stores. My first self-purchased designer-style bag was a black nylon messenger from Kate Spade in the 1990s. I usually buy my bags online or in major departments stores. Since we move so frequently, I am unable to build relationships with sales people over long periods of time. I carried it everywhere and eventually replaced it after years of use.

Do you ever buy second-hand bags? Where do you buy used? Buying it with my own money made it feel like a real milestone. I buy new or like-new bags from Yoogi’s Closet and Fashionphile. But I am sure to do some research about the reseller prior to purchasing, which is part of the reason I love TPB and TPF. Any particular bag that holds a special sentimental value?

Do you sell old bags to pay for new purchases? After Christmas, I would go to Harrods for the Boxing Day sale, which was hectic in the best possible way.

Do you ever feel societal pressure to purchase more bags? Occasionally, yes. If I buy a bag and don’t use it, I will sell it to a friend or sell it to a reputable consignment shop to fund the next purchase.

I once found a beautiful Valentino bag in muted pink with a bow on the front, and I still love it. My daughter is 4, but the bags will be passed down to her. I cherish the bags my mom passed to me. It reminds me of that atmosphere of anticipation, patience, and exhilaration.

Who influences your buying decisions? Mostly marking a milestone or celebrating something momentous. Do you feel like your bags change people’s perceptions of you or how you’re treated? I can never pass them up! In South Korea there is a large market for very convincing counterfeit bags, and because I work in a male-dominated field, I’m often asked where coworkers can find replicas for their spouses. I am sure it was on sale because it wasn’t a hit with most people and its a bright color, but I don’t care. It matches so much in my closet and was the perfect bag for our recent beach vacation.

People may judge that choice a little, but I don’t mind.

Why do you enjoy shopping, beyond just acquiring something new? I enjoy shopping alone. How often do you buy new bags? I like going out on my own to shop at my own pace. About one to three times per year.

Have you ever felt like you received inferior service at a store or boutique due to your appearance, ethnicity or gender? I can’t be sure, but my perception is that I get inferior service at designers stores because of my appearance. I try to only buy pieces I am truly excited about. Because I prefer to shop alone, and don’t really like to make small talk with sales people, that also may contribute to the perception that I receive inferior service.

The Money

Who pays for your bags? I rarely buy directly from designers in-store. I appreciate that I am able to afford designer handbags.

Do you set aside a budget for your bag purchases? Luxury boutiques can feel intimidating, and I often feel out of place.

The Taboo Topics

Have you ever purchased a counterfeit because you couldn’t afford a designer item? Never.

I usually shop online or at major department stores. My significant other has no idea how much any of the handbags cost, but also he doesn’t really care. I handle our finances and he is happy to delegate that responsibility to me. Because we move often, it’s hard to build long-term relationships with sales associates, and my casual off-duty style probably doesn’t encourage the warmest service either. He doesn’t ask, I also don’t offer. If he asked me directly, I would tell him. Do you ever buy second-hand bags? After he promised, I asked him if he kneww just how much that would cost him. Yes, especially because it helps me avoid paying VAT in countries where we won’t stay long enough to claim a refund. We will see if I can actually pull the trigger and buy one though. Even I am not sure I can spend that much on a handbag, although I desperately want one.

I buy new or like-new bags from reputable resellers, and I always research sellers carefully before purchasing. I think the Harrod’s sale is a bit crazy (described above), but if I could, I would go back every year. I also randomly bought an MCM bag in the Doha airport in 2012 during an exceptionally long layover while I was deployed that will always remind me of my time in the Middle East.

That caution is part of what I appreciate about handbag communities and review forums. I don’t think so, but an addict rarely does, right?

The Rest Of It

Any other expensive hobbies or passions? During a recent trip to Osaka, I also found a vintage black Chanel Classic Flap in caviar leather from a resale shop. For major life milestones we try to book a table at a Michelin star restaurant. If I buy something and realize I’m not using it, I’ll sell it to a friend or consign it through a reputable shop to help fund the next purchase.

Has living around the world affected your taste in bags or shopping preferences? Certainly, I am influenced by different types of fashion I see in different regions around the world. Do you ever feel societal pressure to purchase more bags? For example, my work bag (which has to be very plain and black because of the rules in the military regarding what we can wear in uniform) comes from Smythson, a brand I discovered in London and still love for their small leather accessories and quality workmanship. I have purchased a couple of MCM bags while in Korea, since the formerly German brand in now owned by a Korean company and is very trendy locally. Occasionally, though I’m generally selective and prefer to wait for pieces that feel meaningful. This also probably makes my style less consistent and not well-defined, but I am OK with that!

Another interesting perspective! Love this series and the variety!

Do you consider your bag purchases investments? I really liked how the handbags bought are related to times and places of their life. The ones my mother gave me mean a great deal to me, and I would love for my daughter to feel that same connection.

I don’t know if it’s some lawyer bonding but this is my fave post of the series!!!

What a lovely read! Who influences your buying decisions?

Very interesting and fascinating article. Is her income of 275k combined with her husband’s? Milestones, meaningful trips, and the occasional excellent deal. Perhaps this is including housing and all perks?

I’m especially drawn to pieces that remind me of a moment or place.

It would be nice, for consistency, to label the income question as “household” when you post the anonymous responses. In some previous posts, it’s been clear; this one, not so much.

Ok will do!

Agree

For example, I bought a Balenciaga bag in turquoise because it was deeply discounted and fit my wardrobe well. I think most of the stories here are works of fiction.

This obviously is household income.

Are sales associate relationships instrumental to your shopping? I thinks salaries top around 240 for financial reg agencies. And that’s for top officials. Why do you enjoy shopping, beyond just acquiring something new? It has to be combined. I like shopping alone because I can browse at my own pace and focus on what I actually like. The articles need to be clearer about income. It’s not accurate to post someone’s salary without mentioning that it’s combined.

I’m not someone who shops endlessly, but I do enjoy finding a good deal on my own. So perhaps her husband’s salary is being combined to raise the total. People don’t join the military to get rich on high salaries. Have you ever felt like you received inferior service at a store or boutique due to your appearance, ethnicity, or gender? I am still taking this poster’s story with a grain of salt.

I can’t say for certain, but I do sometimes feel that way.

I don’t think so. There are many, many very high salaries in the world. I don’t wear designer clothing most of the time, and I’m not a regular client at any one store.

We’re talking about military attorney salaries – not lawyer salaries generally. Yeah equity partners at top law firms are making millions. Since I prefer shopping alone and don’t always make much small talk, that may also affect the experience.

While Megs has stated that the $275k is a household income (and thus we’re probably looking at half for this particular lady’s salary), there are salaries that high in the military.

The Canadian Judge Advocate General (who’s actually not a judge) is paid $314k. Who pays for your bags? These are Canadian figures as well, I don’t know where she’s being paid from since she’s based in South Korea right now and travels a lot (is she American? I’m grateful that I’m able to afford designer handbags.

Hmm perhaps I should have been clearer. I’m talking us government salaries. Do you set aside a budget for your bag purchases? Those are great salaries. In the US, government employees are paid no where near as much.

No, though I probably should. I liked the questions you asked this time – gives me the idea how is it being intimidated which I can totally relate being a small talker myself and working too close to the mall hence almost never dressed up.

I find it extremely stomach turning, sad, and distasteful when people make decisions about having a child to “get” a matierial thing (car, handbag, jewelry etc). Have you ever purchased a counterfeit because you couldn’t afford a designer item? Children are not “things” to be bargained with. He doesn’t know the exact cost of my bags, but he also doesn’t really care.

People have kids every day without thinking about it, negotiating and really balancing if its the right decision and they turn out to be terrible parents too. I hope you judge them too.. I handle our finances, and we have a good division of responsibilities.

I think I am too old. “Push presents” or “gender reveal parties” were never heard of in my days. If he asked directly, I would tell him. When I was giving birth, my husband was in the delivery room next to me, softly singing to soothe me, occasionally looking in my eyes with so much affection that it melted my heart. He does know what an Hermès Birkin can cost, because he once promised me one in connection with our second child. I cherish it to this day.

I’m pretty sure she didn’t have a child to get an Hermès bag. Whether I actually go through with that purchase is another question; even though I want one very much, I’m still deciding whether I can justify that kind of spending. It sounded like a cute tongue in cheek agreement between the couple.

I also do think it might be slightly tongue-in-cheek and not to be taken very seriously.

The Boxing Day sale at Harrods was probably the most intense shopping experience I’ve had, and I’d happily do it again. I hope we are misunderstanding something here. but sitting here thinking about it, I’d agree to a $20k watch (for my husband) if he would green light a 3rd baby So maybe I’m just as bad.

I also bought an MCM bag at the Doha airport during a long layover while I was deployed, and it will always remind me of that period in the Middle East. Vlad is incredibly anti the idea of a “push present” that is called a push present, but he also agreed it would be nice to get me something that celebrated our baby and her birth. Do you think your shopping is ever a problem? It’s semantics and there is so much more to it – because let’s be honest what he got me could easily be called a push present.

I like this lady. I don’t think so, though I suppose most people who overspend wouldn’t say they did. Although I’m a liiiiitle concerned about the language around “agreeing” to have a second child.

If I were married and my husband wanted a child, those would be my terms as well. We love to travel and do so often for both work and vacation.

And every bout of morning sickness

agreed!

I see the income…. For major milestones, we like to reserve a table at a Michelin-starred restaurant when we can.

loved reading this “confession”

Has living around the world affected your taste in bags or shopping preferences? It is better than anything on television. Please keep the submissions coming.

Every Thursday!

Living in different places has influenced the brands and styles I’m drawn to. that is why i’d rather ask for monetary gift than real items

You caught that too, huh?

great piece

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