Dear Millie: A Mother’s Reflection on Months 18 and 19 of Babyhood

A Letter to Millie at 18 and 19 Months

And now we’re nearing two.

Megs Mahoney Dusil

18 Comments

Jul 8, 2018

Dear Millie,

And now we are nearing two. Your day came and went without a big party, but I still marked it in my mind. Still, I held onto the milestone quietly, because it is hard to believe you are already between your first and second birthdays. I say I remember you as a tiny baby, but honestly, that memory is a blur. The independent, active version of you is all I truly know now. What feels clearest is the child you are today: active, independent, stubborn, strong, and wonderfully easygoing all at once. And it grows more evident every day.

Outdoor Adventures and Park Obsessions

You want to be outside from morning until night. You want to be outside from morning to night. , I am sweating more than I ever thought possible. You have a way of noticing everything, especially when I drive past the park without stopping. You run to the back door and shout “Side! " begging to go out. Instead, you were simply furious that I had passed your park. Honestly, you rarely cry, so the first time this happened I thought something was seriously wrong. I pulled over to check on you, only to realize you were deeply upset that I dared to pass the park without letting you play. Most of the time, you are happiest dropping sticks or other treasures down the slide, then climbing after them or descending in your own way. You mostly want to drop sticks and other objects down the slide, then either slide down yourself or climb back down the playset. You have absolutely no fear of water, which is both delightful and unnerving.

Water Baby: Swim Lessons and Fearless Dives

You have no fear of water—which is both wonderful and terrifying, especially living in South Florida. We just started swim lessons with you, later than I originally planned, and you love them so far. I expected you to love the pool, since baths and water play have always been favorites, and you did not disappoint. I went back and forth about what kind of lessons to choose and finally settled on something more traditional. It is funny to everyone who knows your dad and me that we both swam competitively, and yet we still prefer having an instructor guide the process. But it is much easier having someone else handle the parts where I would be too soft on you. We have to stay inside and watch from behind a barrier, and that alone almost made me lose composure. Watching from behind a barrier was harder than I expected, but you were perfectly fine. You, however, are completely fine. No tears, doing great, and always making me laugh because I anticipate reactions that simply never come. You sometimes ignore directions, drop from the wall when you are meant to hold on, and keep trying to make your own plan in the pool. You show zero fear of the water and sometimes ignore your instructor’s directions. You have been talking much more lately, though your favorite words are still often animals and things you notice in the world. When she pulls you up, I always expect tears, but you laugh. It is both funny and terrifying how comfortable you are in the water, and it shows how determined you are to do what you want, even in new environments like the pool.

Talking, Roaring, and Bilingual Milestones

When you see an animal that you have learned to growl at, you roar with surprising force, as if you are the loudest creature in the room. Your words are mostly animals and random, not-so-usable words. You do not ask for food or specific items; you just tell me about birds, rain, babies, and turtles. At story time, your bear roar can startle the other children, which is both hilarious and very, very you. At story time, when they read “Brown Bear,” your bear growl startles the other kids. You moved from calling him dada to a stretched-out “daddddyyy,” and when you began calling me “mom-mom,” I melted instantly. You mix both English and German words, which makes your daddy so proud. You switched from calling him “dada” to “dadddddyyyy. In the morning, you come to our bed to nurse and be near us before the day begins.

Morning Cuddles and Bedtime Rituals

You are not the cuddliest baby, but when you wake up in the morning, the first thing you do is come to our bed to nurse and spend time with us. You love pointing to my eyes, nose, mouth, head, and ears. Our bed has become one of your favorite places: before naps, after naps, and at bedtime, you run toward it as if it is the safest, coziest place in the house. Our bed is one of your favorite places. Those small, everyday moments have become some of my favorites, especially when I can convince you to pause long enough to snuggle. I love that you feel so safe and comforted in our home and room. Those moments have become some of my favorite times of day, when I try to get you still enough to cuddle in bed.

A Health Scare and a Reminder of Gratitude

We spent several days in the hospital because doctors were concerned about possible seizures, and the relief when everything came back okay was enormous. We spent three days in the hospital because doctors thought you might be having seizures. You were happy to meet new people, explore the halls, and enjoy the playroom when you were not attached to monitors. And you, my silly child, reminded me that every situation is what we make of it. You treated the hospital stay like a vacation, delighted to meet new people and explore the halls when you were not hooked up to monitors. Moments like that make me think about how quickly worry can take over, and also how important it is to remember gratitude when things turn out well. Every health issue you have faced reminds me how lucky we have been, and that so many others are not. I am still working to find a way to give back that is more meaningful than what we have done before. I know these letters can never capture everything about you.

Watching You Grow

I am sure I am missing so much about you in these letters. Your dad and I still do our best to balance work and family life so we can be present with you while also taking care of everything else that needs attention. We both still try our best to juggle work and personal life, making sure to spend as much time as possible with you while also getting our work done. We love the job and community we have built, and it makes us both so happy to know we are able to provide for you and our little family. The days can feel slow in the moment, yet the months pass in a blur. The days sometimes go slowly, but the time passes so fast, and we do not want to miss out. Watching you learn something new—which happens daily—makes me so happy I cannot even explain it. You are loving, patient, curious, and kind. You are loving and patient with all people, inquisitive and kind. I love you more than I ever thought possible.

I truly love you more than I knew was possible.

Love,

Mama

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